Advantages of being a zombie

I’m fifteen and not old enough to vote. But in honor of election day, I’m examining how to make an informed decision. One hard choice we are faced with is whether or not to become zombie.

It’s hard to be a kid in today’s society. Most days I’m trying my hardest. I think there are definite advantages to being a zombie. First, being a zombie comes with its instant group of loyal friends. No zombies think they are better than any other zombies. It’s communism in its purest form.

You don’t have to go to school or do any real work. You don’t even have to think. You just walk around with your arms extended looking for brains. So, you’re still goal oriented. I don’t know what I want to do with my life.

Have you ever gone camping? You know that feeling you get relaxing in front of the fire. How you fall into a robotic state just staring at the flames. I imagine that’ what it would feel like to be a zombie.

Of course, you always have to look at the cons. That way you can make an informed decision before becoming a zombie. There is the whole lack of humanity— if that’s a thing for you. Do zombies even love their mothers? I’m not sure. Also, there aren’t any cute zombies to date. They have got to be smelling pretty rancid. Then again, they’re dead so they don’t breathe at all.

What about the diet?

I mean, brains every night. What about pizza and hot wings and eating doughnuts? You would have to say goodbye to doughnuts. I love doughnuts.



Maybe if you’re not a zombie you don’t have to follow a crowd of mindless idiots. You can find a few true friends instead and try a lot of new and different things like camping, thinking, and the list of limitless things only people can do. That brings me to my conclusion: There are certain advantages to being human, too.

This is Tommy Walker.

If you want to check out my crazy story, read Nocturnal Meetings of the Misplaced, where I learn small towns are murder.

Happy voting!

Barnes and Noble




One thought on “Advantages of being a zombie

  1. I think you’re being harsh to the zombies. Just because humans don’t typically find zombies cute, doesn’t mean that they don’t have their own preferences for looks and body odor. Remember to open your human-centric mind to new definitions of ‘cute’.

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